Next year I will have lived as many years in Oakland as I did in my hometown of Rochester, NY, at which point I assume the entire country will dip slightly to the left. Or I’ll have to send my eldest daughter east to go to college, in some sort of giant game of Red Rover. At any rate, seventeen years here has given me ample time to make the East Coast v. SF Bay Area comparison, and nowhere are the differences more stark than in the way we spend our respective Autumns.
- East Coast: Put bathing suits away, dig out woolens
- SF Bay Area: Finally- the fog has lifted and it’s bathing suit weather! But the kids have school and you have to work, so just put the bathing suits away. Also, at night it dips down to 62 degrees, so dig out woolens.
- East Coast: Watch the beautiful fall foliage paint the landscape in reds, oranges, and yellows
- SF Bay Area: Watch your drought-starved grass turn even more brown
- East Coast: Sniff for scents of fire; it will evoke longings for a comfy chair, books, and a mug of cider
- SF Bay Area: Sniff for scents of fire; it will evoke low-grade panic, constant scanning of the horizon for smoke, and an urge to check Twitter for #fire.
Relax! It’s Saturday
- East Coast: Rake the leaves, watch some football
- SF Bay Area: Go into San Francisco because the tourists are finally gone and you can get a parking space.
- East Coast: a fun celebration for the kids
- SF Bay Area: The High Holy Holidays for a region where people loooove to dress in drag. Your Halloween decorations should outnumber your Christmas decorations by at least 2-to-1
- East Coast: Buy pumpkins in early October to decorate your doorstep. Carve them with whimsical designs so your neighbors can admire in the weeks leading up to Halloween
- SF Bay Area: Buy pumpkins in early October to decorate your doorstep. Carve them with whimsical designs so your neighbors can admire in the weeks leading up to Halloween. Because of the heat, mold will collapse your pumpkins within 24 hours, so go back to the pumpkin patch and start again. Repeat at least three times during October.
- East Coast: Donuts and spiced cider
- SFBay Area: Is there NO season in which we get a break from eating chard? Seriously?
L’Carpetron Dookmarriott is definitely my favorite soldier in the East V. West rap war.